Ha! I am not a gratitude witch after all.
I Said Thank You Because I Wanted More
You’d think I have this gratitude thing figured out by now after six years of this daily practice. But that’s why this is called a practice. There is no point of arriving. It is all becoming. Becoming grateful.
Deep in the forest and surrounded by the red dirt of Jemez I sprawled out into nature. Soaking in the final deep breaths of summer after fall officially began. I devoured page after page of my book being warmed by the sun as my friend practiced the zen art of fishing. He cast in thousands of times twice reeling in a fish. I took a moment to acknowledge the fish and said a silent “Thank you” to the fish.
All seemed pretty standard for me in this life of gratitude. Except it wasn’t. There was something in my thoughts muddying up this seemingly beautiful expression of gratitude.
I said “Thank you” because I wanted more. I told myself, “I better thank the fish so I can make sure he catches more.” I took a practice that normally connects me with the spirit of all beings and things. A practice that centers itself around humility. And I made it all about my ego. I wanted to be the reason he caught more fish.
With this unspoken intention I cheapened my gratitude practice by treating it as a blessing vending machine. This for that. Deposit a thank you and receive your fish. And many fish at that. I imagined him hauling in a load of fish and I would tell him why he caught so many. Thanks to me. Thanks to my thanks.
Well none of that happened. He cast in a few thousand more times to no avail. And my ego sunk behind a pine tree. The lesson quickly emerged. Thank you is not something you say to get something.
Thank you is something you say when in that moment you feel grateful. It is a moment of truth. An accounting of real appreciation. And a moment later we may receive more. More blessings, more happiness, more of things that bring us joy. But one isn’t used to bring about the other.
Let go of cause and effect. Let go of the transactional this-for-that mindset. Don’t try to get something from your gratitude practice. It is too much pressure to put on your blossoming practice. Remember that this is a practice of humility of surrender of acceptance. Honor that which you are grateful for and allow that to be the sole purpose of your gratitude practice.
And each day as you say your thank yous you immerse yourself in your becoming. Becoming grateful.
Thank you, fish, for the beautiful lesson.
Epilogue. The next day he caught seven fish and together and with joy, we said “Thank you” to the fish and he added an exuberant “Thank you, river.” And that moment filled our hearts and it was more than enough.
When we focus on our gratitude, the tide of disappointment goes out and the tide of love rushes in.
~Kristin Armstrong
What gift are you grateful to receive?
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[su_note note_color=”#e7e7e7″ text_color=”#686767″ radius=”0″] My gratitude journey started in May 2011 and continues to this day. Thank you for being a part of it! A daily gratitude practice is simple. Write down three things you are grateful for each day. Download your free GratitudeGuide. My clients focus on gratitude and learn from their successes to make the positive changes they want in their lives. You can too. Call me to set up our first meeting 505.333.9336. [/su_note]