How dare they not thank me?

When My Expectations Get in the Way

Earlier this week my classmates were complaining about their low grades on the midterm exam, frustrated that the professor was not open to offering extra credit or any other accommodations. I asked about one particular question on the exam that I got wrong making my case that it wasn't worded clearly. The professor asked how many others got it wrong. When the majority of the class raised their hands he said that he would give us all credit for that question. I was happy and grateful to the professor. But I then ruined that beautiful feeling by immediately thinking, "my classmates are going to be so happy and grateful that I did that."

Well not one student expressed gratitude. Actually, no one even acknowledged it. I was disappointed. And then I started to feel annoyed and righteous. It all spun out in this ugly way because I had created expectations of my fellow students. Later when I reflected on my day with gratitude I remembered that initial feeling of gratitude I felt to the professor. That is what I want to remember and experience. I didn't really care if anyone thanked me. And actually, if I am honest, that wasn't even my intention. I was advocating for myself. Though it did feel really good once I knew others were getting additional points too. That feeling and my initial happiness and gratitude could have been the whole of the experience if I hadn't set some unnecessary expectations.

This was a really helpful lesson to learn. So many times my expectations get in the way of my gratitude and other positive experiences. 

Think of a time that you did something for yourself that also benefitted others like cooking dinner or household chores. Think of a time that you did something purely for someone else like giving money to someone in need or cleaning up after a colleague. In any of these cases there are positive emotions, including gratitude, to be felt in the activity itself regardless of how it is received by others. If you catch yourself setting expectations for how others will respond, or any other expectations, stop and reflect on the gratitude you already feel.
 

 

 

Take some responsibility for your choices. Nobody got you here but you. You can’t spend your whole life holding the door open for people and then being angry when they don’t thank you. Nobody asked you to hold the fucking door.
~Lisa Caputo

What are you grateful for about the experience of giving?

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[su_note note_color=”#e7e7e7″ text_color=”#686767″ radius=”0″] My gratitude journey started in May 2011 and continues to this day. Thank you for being a part of it! A daily gratitude practice is simple. Write down three things you are grateful for each day. Download your free GratitudeGuide. My clients focus on gratitude and learn from their successes to make the positive changes they want in their lives. You can too. Call me to set up our first meeting 505.333.9336. [/su_note]