In the Bathroom, On a Ballot, In My Head, Everywhere
Earlier I saw yet another story about fear of transgender people in bathrooms and it got me thinking about fear. This fear is so illogical and not based in reality at all. But is fear ever about reality? Fear as a way to control and manipulate people. Fear as a natural response to threats. Fears about debt. Fears about love. Fears about rejection. There are so many fears in every aspect of our lives. But every single one of them is not reality. Even earlier when I had to slam on my breaks to avoid an accident the fear that flooded over me was about something that didn't actually happen. In many ways we have a culture of fear.
And I got swept into it myself earlier today. After hearing the news story I decided to check the sex offender registry. Clicking on each pin I looked into the faces of men who live in the surrounding neighborhoods; men who were convicted of horrible crimes. I read their offenses. Overcome with fear I tried to remember their faces and their names. But why? If I keep these men in my thoughts will I be safer? Or will I just become more fearful?
Fear is a normal human emotion. The real question: What will I be brave enough to show up and do? Brené Brown says, "I define vulnerability as uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. Am I willing to show up when I can't control the outcome?" And we can never really control the outcome.
Last week I was participating in a blessing of a Senior Center garden with a group of traditional healers. It was a beautiful and touching ceremony honoring our elders. I had a basket full of rose petals that I was using as part of the blessing. The rose petals were fragrant and gorgeous, big and small, red, yellow and white. I tossed the rose petals along the path and in the garden beds and even blessed people with the rose petals. At one point a spider crawled up my arm. I panicked and flicked it away. I tried looking through the rose petals to see if there were any more but I didn't see anything. Then later it happened again. This time I really got freaked out. The slightest breeze across my arm had me jumping out of fear. The fear was real but I bravely put my hand in the basket again and again.
This is such a great metaphor for fear. Yes, I could have been bit by a spider. Yes, there were spiders in with the rose petals.Yes, there were rose petals, fragrant and beautiful. Yes, there were elders present, prayerful, reverent, ready to receive. Yes, there were thriving gardens, green and budding, trees hanging heavy with fruit. So, the choice was mine. What would I focus my attention on? What would I be brave enough to show up and do?
While we may live in a culture of fear and while it is an election year with fear being peddled at every turn, ultimately the choice is ours. Will we choose fear or will we choose gratitude?
Only when we are no longer afraid do we begin to live.
~Dorothy Thompson
What do you appreciate that is on the other side of a fear?
LEARNING: I was grumbling at being awake in the middle of the night and then I saw through the windows the light of dawn working its way over the Sandia Mountains and I was grateful. Sometimes my gratitude is louder and stronger than my complaints./p>
FORGOTTEN GRATITUDE: Last week I was also grateful for sitting with my love on the bed talking. A place to escape the sounds. The most gorgeous verdant gardens in the desert.
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[su_note note_color=”#e7e7e7″ text_color=”#686767″ radius=”0″] My gratitude journey started in May 2011 and continues to this day. Thank you for being a part of it! A daily gratitude practice is simple. Write down three things you are grateful for each day. Download your free GratitudeGuide. My clients focus on gratitude and learn from their successes to make the positive changes they want in their lives. You can too. Call me to set up our first meeting 505.333.9336. [/su_note]